Here I Am, This Is Me

Well this is my first post on my blog. I now have both a livejournal and a blogspot account so I'll try to make them different. Maybe I will put more meaningful things on here because livejournal is really my moaning thing. Not that this post really begins the meaningful-ness huh?

Well, I shall begin by introducing myself.
My name is Fiona, though my internet name is usually Firefly. I am a student, or at least, I am going to university in September this year, hopefully. I have put Lancaster University as my firm choice. Pressure is tough because it is increasing every single day. I feel like crying quite often but I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I would like to make special mention of my boyfriend Sam, who I love so so much, my neighbour Gareth, who is the best person in the world, and Katie, my buddy at school who helps me through a lot.
I live with my family and we have two dogs. Pippa has just had a doggy hysterectomy, bless her, so she is quite down at the moment.
I love living. I am terrified of death. I have been so down I have hurt myself but I have never ever wanted to die. Despite all the arguements against inventing drugs that would make us live for longer I think I would take them without thinking about it. Maybe I am stupid but that is a common thing for me to think. I do not like myself. Yes I am confusing. I get confused sometimes but also I get annoyed when I don't think people understand what I am saying. I love intelligence and I love knowledge and I hate being challenged and I cannot stand it when people make me feel small, even if I am wrong. I am indeed, quite small, but I like to think that it's just in the physical sense. I am occassionally happy with how I look but most of the time I would love to be someone else. I love music. I love rock and metal the most. If I was male I would definately want to be gay. I don't think I could be a straight man, and yet, as a female, I do find women attractive. No, I don't make sense. I love love and I love sex and I have kissed both guys and girls. I hate feminism and yet I hate being the 'weaker sex'. I love to eat and I eat when I am not hungry. At the moment I am getting back into eating Lindt chocolate and toast. I have a great job and great people to work with. I love being hyper and I will miss school. I love horses and I love horse riding and horse jumping. I absolutely love Darren Hayes. I believe that hugs are one of the greatest things ever invented by man, I could hug forever and always be happy.
I love animals. I love having money when it is needed. I say sorry too often and yet I find it hard when I mean it most. Eye contact hurts with people I love because I fear I will cry for fear of losing them. Sometimes it can be nice to cry. I love luxurious baths. I love the smell of the rain and the grass. I love the park. I love nostlagia. I love being alone but I love company. I hate being the sheep but I am not good at making decisions.
I am terrified about the future and yet, somewhere inside me I know I am looking forward to it.